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  • Writer's pictureKristen Pagulayan

Feeling Lonely and Stuck? Try These Feel Better Tips

Updated: Feb 21, 2019

There seems to be so much pressure to market ourselves as “the best” at being a mom, a chef, a therapist, or to make the best viral video. I have to define what it is that makes me unique in my market. What will set me apart from the rest. So that when you Google me, I stand out against the millions of others just like me. Especially now, as I begin this journey of establishing my business online.

The pressure to be great and be able to offer something better is so strong, that we can become paralyzed in our tracks. We don’t risk putting our ordinary selves out there. We miss out on the ability to authentically connect with one another. I want a tribe of awkward ordinary people just like me. I don’t have anything extraordinary to share. I am just like anyone else, trying to live my best life possible.

Being our best isn’t following the self-help literature or the next fad diet. It’s about connecting within and finding what’s right for us. We do that by living boldly and courageously. Not being afraid to be vulnerable and put our ordinary, authentic selves out there.

I have a theoretical framework that helps me to understand and see human behavior through a certain lens. What drew me into social work in the first place, was the biopsychosocial view we are taught to approach our practice with. While I identify and see patterns in our behavior, I also understand that each one of us is unique. I approach each person I see, from their perspective. I try to immerse myself in their experience, their view of the world. That is the only truth that is relevant. From there we can begin to heal some of the core hurts that are leading to the pain in their current circumstance. I operate from a core belief that everyone is the expert in their own life.

We spend so much time trying to be extraordinary, that we miss out on the beauty in the ordinary. Focus on what you have control over for today, in this moment. The rest will work itself out. I have a degenerative illness. I don’t know what the future will look like or what my body will be able to do. But for today, my body can still move and therefore I take great joy in the exercises that my body can still do and laugh at the ones that it no longer can. Because laughing helps me, not to get too frustrated, take it too seriously or start overthinking. That’s a strategy that works for me, but may not work for everyone.

I have the advantage of being immersed in a profession in which I am constantly learning and developing new self-care strategies that I can pass on to other. The more information we learn and are open to learning, the better chance we have of finding something that works for us. When someone first begins work with me, I encourage them to speak up if something isn’t working for them. I am committed to trying different things with them, until they find something that speaks to their soul.

I learned to go with the flow of my disease and start to work with it, instead of against it. I spent many years looking for and finding answers that worked for others instead of myself. Once I started to listen to my body and what it was telling me, I was able to learn how to nurture it and find peace within it. It hindered my life for so many years, it kept me frozen and boxed in. It limited my mind to the possibilities within my future.

What limits you? Is it your financial situation, or perhaps unhealthy family dynamics? Does it seem impossible to move past these obstacles? What can you do today that is in your control? Can you set aside $1 or take 1 step in a different direction? Let’s set small attainable goals. This is how we can build self-confidence and set the foundation to make real change in the future. I’m excited for the opportunity to share this journey with you. Reach out and connect with me today.

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